When a husband is rude, abusive and bad tempered: the wife is told to have sabr(patient) and reminded what a good muslim wife does.

But when a wife is rude and bad tempered: the husband is told to find a more pious wife, she is told women don't act this way and her character slandered.

Why don't anyone give this advise instead?

It is reported that a man came to 'Umar ibn Al-Khattab (radhiAllahu anhu) to complain about his wife's ill-temper.

While he was waiting for 'Umar to come out of his house, he heard 'Umar's wife scolding him and 'Umar quietly listening to her, and not answering her back.

The man turned around and started walking away, muttering to himself: "If that is the case with 'Umar, the leader of the believers, who is famous for his uprighteness and toughness, then what about poor me?!"

At that moment, 'Umar came out of his house and saw the man walking away. He called him and said, "What is it you want of me, O man?"

The man replied: "O leader of the believers, I came to complain to you about my wife's bad-temper and how she nags me. Then I heard your wife doing the same to you, so I turned around, muttering to myself, 'If that is the situation of the leader of the believers, then what about me?'"

Umar replied, "O my brother, I bear with her because of her rights over me. She cooks my food, bakes my bread, washes my clothes, breast-feeds my child...and yet none of these are her duty; and then she is a comfort to my heart and keeps me away from forbidden deeds. Consequently, I bear with her."

The man said, "It is the same with me, O leader of the believers."

'Umar said: "Then, O my brother, be patient with her, indeed this life is short.

(Adh-Dhahabi, Al-Kabâ'ir 194)

You cannot live perfectly happy married lives. This is not Jannah, that's the reason why you got together to achieve it. You'll argue, you'll disagree. You'll dispute, bicker and squabble.

But in the end that's the point of it. You learn to live and you learn to tolerate.

You are marrying a human being! Humans make mistakes, so you and your spouse will both make mistakes. Get ready for that, and be ready to forgive, let things go and help.